A Hole In My Pocket.

It's been a while since I've written on here because I don't have much else to say about my life and the things I've been going through. Nothing has really improved. It's kind of sick and twisted that last year was the best year I've ever known, and I get to follow up with that one with the worst one. I've come to learn about myself that when I love, I love wholeheartedly. The walls I built up around me when I was dating Scott made me feel safe... it was a structure that was supposed to stay standing. I didn't expect it all to come crumbling down. But it has. And now I am standing in a pile of rubble and don't know where to start to begin putting it all back together again. I've come to know God lately in a way that has amazed me, and I look to Him now for healing. I have humbled myself in the most humiliating and pleading way, and now all I have to do is wait, and live my life for Him. Love Him wholeheartedly. It's comforting to know that with Him, those walls will stay standing until long after I leave this earth. That's the only hope I can be given in this life.

"There's a hole in my pocket that's about his size, but I think everything is gonna be alright, I hope everything is gonna be alright..." Joshua Radin ("Will's Lullaby")