It's been three months now, and I am still wandering down my path of life alone. I am no better now than I was when Scott first left, though I'm not worse either. I feel like I need to get some sort of closure in order to start feeling better, but I am too afraid to ask for it. There's not much else that I have left to lose at this point, but I don't want to ruin the progress we've been making when it comes to occasionally talking at work. Do I risk it and ask? Or do I sit here suffering in silence? I don't even know what I would say if the opportunity arose for me to get to talk to him about everything. I know that once you close the door it will never be the way it was before... so I've already lost. Why is it that love is both the most amazing feeling in the world and the worst when you lose it? But if I had to choose between love and losing, and to never have known that amazing feeling, I still will side with love. This suffering is such an unbearable hurting, and my heart goes out tonight to all the millions of other hearts aching for someone they lost... I feel almost at peace knowing I am not on my own in this, though I am walking down this road alone.
"I'm walking down this road alone, and I figured all I'm thinking about is you, is you my love. My head is in a cloud of rain and the world it seems so far away, and I'm just waiting to fall in droplets and sink into your skin." - Jason Reeves ("Droplets")
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