Tearing Heartstrings.

The other night at church, Dave our speaker, asked us to stand and lift our hands up to God like we were little children wanting to be picked up by our daddies. He told us by doing this we'd be following up on the message that was spoken about wanting God to save us from the places inside we want to heal. I closed my eyes and reached for the sky. I felt like a weight had been lifted off me as the song came to a close and we lowered our arms. I truly felt like God had right there begun to heal my heart. But tonight, two days after I asked to be healed, Scott texted me while intoxicated asking how I honestly felt about him. I told him that I loved him and always would but I had to be strong about the fact we broke up and want to at least be friends if anything. He wrote back saying he it wasn't the best time to mention that sort of thing and he apologized and said he had to go, and I know it was only because he was drunk which is okay. But at the same time, by him asking me that simple question, I feel like someone has grabbed me by my ankle and dragged me all the way back down to rock bottom on the murky ocean floor. I no longer can see the light breaking over the surface just ahead of me. My heartstrings are being tugged so hard and can't take much more. If they rip, who knows how long it will take for me to mend it. I just want things to be how they were.


"You can't play on broken strings, you can't feel anything..." - James Morrison ("Broken Strings")